Monday, February 11, 2008

Dig a shallow grave and bury the Grammy's

Well one of my passions is enjoying music, and preferably live music at that. I've been a fan of the Grammy Awards for a mightily long time, i remember as a kid with my father being a member of NARAS(National Academy of Recording Arts and Science.. the folks who give the grammys out), I would get to vote on the awards with him. But after last's night show I'm convinced its done and run its course after 50 years. The TV ratings were some of the lowest in history with a bit over 17.5 million viewers. This is pretty sad figuring that American Idol gets like 30 million average viewers. So what its saying is people would rather watch and vote for the next big upcoming star than watch current established stars. The shows has gone without a host for the last 2 years, but still it runs LONG. This year it was scheduled to run 3:30Hrs and ran about 5-10 minutes over, no reason the show should be well over 3 Hours long. But most importantly to me why the show sucked was the level of performances.

In the shallow grave that I'm digging I want to bury the following artists. You can call me a hater, a cynic, or whatever but I just feel these folks dont have much talent plain and simple. Lets start at the beginning

Alicia Keys - Sorry hon, you are going into the shallow grave. While you have sold millions of albums, won tons of grammy's and are beloved by everyone I DONT LOVE YOU. I think you are a very pretty girl, but a talentless hack. I'm not saying I can sing or play piano, but neither can you. You so called classical piano training is nothing more than banging on the keyboard. Your singing is nothing more than Shouting. And you have a habit of ruining songs when you sing with greats. Look at your performances of my boy Prince's "How Come You Don't Call me Anymore" sad.. Your utter low was singing "Black Magic Woman" with Carlos Santana this past year at the Fashion Rocks show. and this last night's duet with Frank Sinatra, well a dude who has been dead for longer than she has been releasing albums.

Kayne West - You go in the shallow grave also, this is a horrible thing to say about you considering you just suffered the sad death of your mother. But having to watch you "perform" for some 7 minutes last night was the last straw. Between you pissy bitch fits when you dont win awards, here last night they gave you 4 awards now go away FOREVER. Take your lit up sunglasses, and never never despite how much you miss you miss your mom try to sing a song for her/about her/to her again, you sounded like a cow going to the slaughterhouse.

Fergie & John Legend - Fergie you have a slamming body, if someone would to put a paper bag on your head, I would do naughty things to you. But your voice it leaves much to be desired, as least its not as bad as your face which looks like its a tranny who used to work in the meatpacking district. John Legend, where can I begin, well other than the fact I don't "understand" you or your talent lets see.. you were born with the last name Stephens who the fuck told you that you are/will/ever be a Legend, you are not, so please go away NOW!!!!

Will I Am - what to say about you, other than you are now offically more annoying than Sean P "Puffy" Diddy Daddy Combs, and that is a hard task to do. You can't rap, you can't dance you can't do anything, so please join your fellow Black Eyed Pea in the grave...

The only good performances from this year's awards were from people over 60 years of age.

We had Tina Turner (age 68) looking and sounding like a vision out of the 60s.. that 1960s that is.

Aretha Franklin (age 65) proves she can sing anything, from a few years ago when she stepped in for Pavarotti and sang a wicked "Nessum Dorma" that made me cry. Well we know you are the queen of Soul, but you wouldnt be out of place in a Gospel Church.. honey i'm waiting on you to do a country album, you can do it!!!

To keep in the tradition of older is better we had Herbie Hancock(age 67) on a Gershwin Tribute that showed folks like Alicia Keys if you want to be called a piano player what you must do. Herbie baby who does your hair?? can I get their number, cause that was a nice full head of hair you have on your head. Its sad that after you won the biggest prize of the night and I was talking a friend who shall remain unnamed thought you played the Axel F theme song from Beverly Hills Cop, that sent my blood pressure up as we all know you played in Miles Davis's 2nd great Quintet, if you havent heard please go and pick up "My Funny Valentine (1964 Lincoln Center)" could be the greatest live album ever..

Last but not least of the senior set we had John Fogerty (age 62), writer of some of the greatest songs in history including the "Proud Mary" that Tina and Beyonce tore up. He got up there with some septuagenarian's in the form of Jerry Lee Lewis (age 72), and Little Richard (age 75), who added a little, just a litle to his great 2 songs performances. Ahh what folks would pay for a true Creedence Clearwater Revival reunion tour, hell if Led Zeppelin can do it, so can you guys.

Just as an example the performers (young) at the 2007 Grammys included the following, Dixie Chicks, Justin Timberlake, Wyclef Jean/Shakira, Mary J Blige, Chris Brown, Christina Aguilera, James Blunt.. that is more talent times 20, than the hacks they brought out this year.. The only talent in this years youth was Rhianna, Carrie Underwood, and Amy Winehouse.

Brush up your music history with some Miles!!

No comments: